On Single Motherhood and the Eternal Quest for… Love

 

Today, I unintentionally watched two movies about single mothers. Or rather, two movies whose protagonists happened to be single mothers. And what did I learn? That the end goal, apparently, remains unchanged: find a partner.

Am I supposed to feel inspired, motivated, and reassured? Inspired to renew the endless search? Motivated to do what it takes—keep putting myself out there and meeting (let’s be honest) men? Reassured that "the one" is still out there, whether you’re 35 or 55? 

You’re probably wondering which movies I watched. One was Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy, and the other was the new Tamil film on Netflix, Kadhalikka Neramillai (No Time for Love).

In Bridget Jones, we see her a widowed single mother, four years after her beloved Darcy’s death. The mourning period is well behind her, the kids are fairly independent, so it’s time to go back to work and… find a boy. Well, I suppose there are worse things one could do.

The second movie features a young single mother who chooses single parenting via sperm donation. And as fate would have it, guess what happens? She inevitably falls in love… and no points for guessing with whom.

The Reality of Single Motherhood in India

Data suggests that India has a growing demographic of single women—never married, divorced, widowed—and a vast number who don’t fit into any category but find themselves parenting alone. And yet, I don’t quite understand what society expects us to do.

I run a community for single people over 40. I know the kind of women and men who populate urban spaces in India. Let me tell you, as a divorced, single mother of two teenagers, the prospect of my staying single forever is far more likely than ever finding a partner or companion. I make no bones about it—there are literally no eligible single men out there. And it’s not for want of looking or my own eligibility (even if I say so myself!).

My friends will tell you that despite all my failed dating attempts over the years, there has only been one—okay, maybe two—men who ever made me think there could be hope. And this is after several years of being single and easily over a 100 dates.

So here I am, at the ripe age of 46, watching these two movies back-to-back, wondering: What is the world thinking by producing this?

The One-in-a-Million Odds

Sure, I know of the odd woman who gets lucky—who finds an amazing partner after a failed marriage and a few heartbreaks. But that’s a one-in-a-million chance here in India. And I certainly won’t live long enough to go through that many men, and so have the odds stacked against me. And conversely (I can’t speak for the rest of the world), Indian men have the pick of the lot.

The women are invariably smart, well-educated, financially independent, and beautiful. Many are done having kids. And yet, men still want the "young things." But that’s a rant for another time.

For now, my point is this: We need to face reality. For single mothers in India—especially those of us over 40—the landscape is bleak, the waters are polluted, and, honestly, you’re probably better off looking outside the country.

And with that, I’ll shut up before some potbellied, chauvinistic, misogynistic bumpkin decides to troll me and prove my point.