She Shines Like a Diamond

The flower-shaped diamond earrings attached to my earlobes, as I washed my face, reminded me that I should change them (I usually preferred smaller ones for everyday wear). As I mentally assessed which of the three pairs of "real" earrings I owned I should wear, it occurred to me that they weren't much in the way of things to bequeath to my daughter. 

Not that my little girl aspired to these things. Sure, she was fond of sparkly bits and bobs, but she wasn’t one to know or care about the monetary value of anything she wore. Where I had consciously moulded my thinking to be this way, she was naturally so. Sudden tears washed away in the shower as I appreciated this amazing human being that I was lucky enough to call my daughter. 

At 16, she is the most beautiful version of a young girl that I could have ever imagined as a daughter. Her generosity of spirit, her ready laugh, her sweet, sweet smile, her warmth and exuberance, her zeal and determination. Would she someday appear this amazing to someone else? The thought gave me pause. And it flashed upon my mind that whoever would be lucky enough to be her love must, at the very least, love her as much as I do. 

I thought about myself, wondering, if someone had thought this way about me, would I be who I am now? Who would I be? Would I have still made the same mistakes in relationships? Would I not have felt that I deserved better at every turn if I had seen how much I was cherished and valued at home? That wasn’t the case, as is true for most of my generation. We were brought up well, yes, given a great education in the literal sense of the word, but we were not taught self-esteem or - God forbid - love! Or if we were, it was that it had to be outsourced to externally validating factors—such as academic achievements. And I was never an achiever, at least not in any sense that mattered. 

We owe it to our children to love them for themselves. From a parent's love come those personality-shaping factors like self-love, acceptance, learning to heal, having compassion for oneself, and not living in fear of the external world and their idea of you. Once a child learns that the external world is what matters, that journey called life becomes a mountain. We each have it within us to conquer every peak. However, those baby steps are paramount in getting off the starting mark. When you hear your parent, your primary caregiver, call out those encouraging words to you, cheering you always from the sidelines, catching you when you fall, comforting you when you fail, you absorb this vocabulary into your own inner voice—the voice that will then speak to you for the rest of your life. 

Today, I watch my girl stand up for her beliefs, get vocal in a debate, show assertion without aggression. She doesn't lose herself in despair but gives herself time; she prioritises and strategises; she celebrates victories, cherishes friendships, isn’t afraid to fail and learn, and is comfortable in her own skin. She’s read and watched enough romances to turn her head, but she remains clearly focused on her own life. She listens, she questions, she watches, and she always learns. She is a far more conscious being than I was at her age. 

I tighten the screws on the backs of my earrings. It will never matter to her if her mother leaves her millions worth of jewellery or nothing. What will matter to her is that I see her for who she is, that I respect the hell out of her, and that she knows, come hell or high water, her mama will always be there for her. And all that matters to me is that she goes her own path, confident and assured.