And time goes by...

Early days... 2011

2015... goodbye babyhood!

As a mother one of the hardest things for me is coping with the passage of time.

This little girl was - and is - everything I had ever wished for growing up, thinking thoughts of being a mother some day. 

When she came in to this world, and her name was chosen, I often thought I would call her Kitty (though I never did). She was like a tiny, cuddly ball that snuggled into you for warmth. And she's still so much like that - cuddly and warm, still small enough to snuggle.

The smiliest little thing I have ever known, Kirtu (as she is widely known) has the most contagious laugh that's more like a cackle sometimes. Although she is dreadfully naughty at times, a daydreamer and quite an artist, this girl is one tough cookie. She can also be most sensitive, and reminds me of how I was as a child - quick to be hurt and feel rejection. 

She was a baby only yesterday, who could not say her own name. She did not know where it stopped! "What's your name?" I'd ask, and she'd say, "Kirtana-na". Just like she'd say "banana-na" and "papaya-ya".  To me, these were the funniest words and I'd laugh and she'd laugh watching me laugh. We certainly laughed a lot!

It's like yesterday when I found out I was pregnant with a girl (allowed in Springfield, IL, USA). The sheer exhilaration spread from my head to my toes and I was the happiest mother in the world when I sped from hospital to mall to shop for baby-girl clothes. I bought a scrap-book thingy for my little boy which was like a social story on what to expect when preparing to be a big brother. He and I filled it with pictures of him and me, and all the people he loved who were going to look after him and play with him while I was in the hospital. He understood it all and at 21 months old was quite ready for his baby sister.

And she arrived, ten days early,determined to make an entrance. Where her brother had not wanted to emerge at all and had to be induced, this little one worked like a champ to get free. 

newborn

And then there she was, just like that, ready to take on this sad old world. She was not the prettiest baby I had seen. Indeed her brother had been much cuter. But there was something about this little thing that wormed its way into my soul and made its home there. My soul baby.

She made me smile every day from then on. Nothing was unbearable. The love I received far outshone any other bothers I may have had. The wonder she saw in everything from water cups to ants, to colours and animals awoke new sensations in me.

She grew quickly - too quickly. Always curious and ready to discover new things, hers is a spirit that I hope will never be repressed. 

The photos on top are of when she started school at Head Start House of Montessori and from today when she is a day away from finishing there. From being a curious bub, to turning somewhat reclusive at 3, to blossoming as a toddler and now quite erupting into a beaming child, this little girl has traversed quite a journey in her short life.

Today as she stands poised at the end of the first schooling chapter of her life, I give thanks to the Universe and all the forces that be, that she is who she is, and for letting me be her mother. I have not been the most patient or cautious mother; there have been times when I have snapped at her and not watched over her a closely as I should have. I am grateful that I have what time I do have with her. I hope I will be able to guide her in her next several journeys through life. I hope that my own experiences and opinion will not colour too much the scribbles and makings of her own imagination. 

I know that she is ready for the challenge of the "big school"where she will join her big brother. She can barely wait to don the uniform and hop on the school bus with him! Her days there will be filled with learning, fun, frolic, clean air and good care. For I know that HSEA will take care of my babies. 

For now it remains to say goodbye to the baby era. My little one is growing up. I thank her preprimary environment and all those who have been influential and instrumental in nurturing this little bud in to opening. Family aside the school has been where she has spent over four years of her life now. A large part of who she is, what she knows, what she thinks, and how she behaves, learns and loves comes from there. 

I am so proud of my little girl. She has no airs, no graces. She is as silly as her best friend - a terribly cute and naughty fellow. She knows nothing about matching clothes and shoes and was gung-ho about cutting her hair short. She is a whizz at her language skills and has no trouble with reading and writing. She's well into the Enid Blyton books and loves Hindi music! While her math skills could use sharpening, her wit is ready just like her laugh. She is blessed in so many ways. Her voice loves notes and her ears are quick to melody. Her pencil strokes are clean and strong and her patience is legendary when it comes to painting and craft work. She is all this and so so much more. 

I wanted to put all these feelings, thoughts and memories into words so I can look back at them some day with her. 

And if she reads this years hence, I want her to know this: "You are the love of my life. You make every day worth living. Being your mother has been the best thing that has happened to me. I wish you only the best of everything, but above all I wish you good health - because without that everything else is useless.

I will always be there for you. That is a promise. My darling girl... may God bless you."